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hmmm... i luv being myself... regardless of wat others think bout me... i am wat i am.. im not gonna change if peep ask me to... i only change if i want to as long it doesnt hurt anybody... n dats cool with me... so get to knw me... then judge me...

Monday, November 1, 2010

you barely knew me.

It had been a rough patch lately. Conflict by conflict keeps on coming which are hard to for me to handle because it involved the people I’m close with. It is sad to see how a friendship is valued through an event of mistakes done by a certain people. Its very heart wrenching especially when you are not in the intention of having even a tiny bit conversation with people that you used to share you thoughts and feeling before.

So, the final weeks of campus life should consist of few memorable moments that you wish you will remember till the end of your life. The friends, the things friends do together and all the sweet things that you and your friends shared throughout the journey of being a student. But the final weeks for me here in the campus are a lot less than what I expected. Plus, it was indeed the things I would like to erase soon after it happened. Enough with the conflict that I had with my bestfriend couples months ago, and others has no right to judge me through what he said through the blog because simply you guys just know me. Barely know who I really am. I did that not because of jealousy or whatever, it just I think I know whats the best for him.

I think it is a mistake to post several picture of me with a friend of mine that night. I was so boring as I had to designed my own layout for the newsletter and at the same time incharged in the editor’s desk. Too many things to handle at once and less resting time which can result in depression. Come back to the pictures I posted on Facebook, they were caught through the webcam of my laptop. It was us two just goofing around try to kill the boredom but few friends of mine beg the differ. They started to post some comments that I thought were funny at first but it get little annoying as others also try to make up things that aren’t real. And there was one comment that really bugs me off and it kinda reignite the conflict that I had with my bff. And I said you guys knew me for 2 years and you guys have no right to judge me.

So I was pissed off that night as they kept on teasing me like its some kind of jokes or something. Come on, if my facebook account is private to everyone I would not mind but what they posted can be seen by my 531 friends in the Fb’s friendlist. And I guess that was the most childish and immature things to do to your friends. The worst thing is they did not regret of what they did to me. Soon after I posted my status and express how disappointed and pissed off I was that night then they try to tell me that they are joking. And they text me telling that they had been teased a lot worst than what they did to me. WTF! I mean eventhough you’d been teased a lot worst than mine but it does not mean that you can tease me like that. I just don’t see the connection. It just does not make any sense at all. And yeah there was no “sorry” in their text too.

I wasn’t finish with my work that night, so as part of the editorial board that night, we continued our work at this restaurant. And they came with I think no regret at all and it just really makes me even madder! So I spent that night at the girl’s house so does few night after that. I know its wrong, but I guess it is the simple way for m to dodge them so I wont have to see them. Later that morning, I cried to see few pictures were posted on this one guy FB wall. The pictures were the so called controversial pictures with their comment below it. I guess this one girl print screen it and post it as they want to prove it as evidences for their little game of CSI that night. I was just in awe seriously.

So the sayings were true. “by the end of the semester you will see who are your true friends” and “a secret will lead to another secret”. These sayings simply happened to me at the moment. And hearing what they said behind me all awhile from others, just really make me sad and mad at the same time. I just don’t believe that people I thought were my friends would said things like that about me because honestly, I never talk trash about them to anyone. It just don’t feel right. I wonder how certain people like to talk about my personal life and comment every action that I do. It seem like he try to make me look bad and at the same time kill the reputation of mine. My friend said that he talked about me all the time whenever I’m not around. It just so high school drama. Are you jealous of me or what? Because I don’t think an older person than me would do that because I think he’s a lot wiser in term of experience but I was wrong. So, SHE was right. He’s the reason of me and HER had a problem during the semester 3 break. He spread the rumor about me to others and made HER cried. I just don’t understand why he is so into my personal life like there is nothing else to do. Come on dude, get a life or maybe exercise. It would do you good rather than just lay there on your bed and talk trash about me.

After the incident, most of my friends told me that I was too kind. Too kind to them that made them step on me. That is probably right. I have this soft spot when it comes to friends. I just rather hurt myself than hurting my friends. Afterall, they are friends. People whom you close with. But when the limitation is cross and they went way out of line than I guess it’s a war. Don’t blame others when the truth really comes out. No one influenced me, it just you open my eyes of who you really are. You should not be mad of what I said if its true. I don’t care afterall. Its not worth to grief on.

Well guys I will forgive you. EVENTUALLY. Not now because I just feel that you guys don’t really mean it. I was kind of joke to you guys. And I’m not hip enough to be part of your circle of friends. Good luck in finding more friends to be in your circle because I’d pass. :D it is not about taking side, it is more about how honest your friendship is.

Mr. syAEr_dEAn

p/s: she replied my on facebook chat and said “I never hate you”. How happy I was at that time. at least there is a good news for me.

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