you barely knew me.

It had been a rough patch lately. Conflict by conflict keeps on coming which are hard to for me to handle because it involved the people I’m close with. It is sad to see how a friendship is valued through an event of mistakes done by a certain people. Its very heart wrenching especially when you are not in the intention of having even a tiny bit conversation with people that you used to share you thoughts and feeling before.

So, the final weeks of campus life should consist of few memorable moments that you wish you will remember till the end of your life. The friends, the things friends do together and all the sweet things that you and your friends shared throughout the journey of being a student. But the final weeks for me here in the campus are a lot less than what I expected. Plus, it was indeed the things I would like to erase soon after it happened. Enough with the conflict that I had with my bestfriend couples months ago, and others has no right to judge me through what he said through the blog because simply you guys just know me. Barely know who I really am. I did that not because of jealousy or whatever, it just I think I know whats the best for him.

I think it is a mistake to post several picture of me with a friend of mine that night. I was so boring as I had to designed my own layout for the newsletter and at the same time incharged in the editor’s desk. Too many things to handle at once and less resting time which can result in depression. Come back to the pictures I posted on Facebook, they were caught through the webcam of my laptop. It was us two just goofing around try to kill the boredom but few friends of mine beg the differ. They started to post some comments that I thought were funny at first but it get little annoying as others also try to make up things that aren’t real. And there was one comment that really bugs me off and it kinda reignite the conflict that I had with my bff. And I said you guys knew me for 2 years and you guys have no right to judge me.

So I was pissed off that night as they kept on teasing me like its some kind of jokes or something. Come on, if my facebook account is private to everyone I would not mind but what they posted can be seen by my 531 friends in the Fb’s friendlist. And I guess that was the most childish and immature things to do to your friends. The worst thing is they did not regret of what they did to me. Soon after I posted my status and express how disappointed and pissed off I was that night then they try to tell me that they are joking. And they text me telling that they had been teased a lot worst than what they did to me. WTF! I mean eventhough you’d been teased a lot worst than mine but it does not mean that you can tease me like that. I just don’t see the connection. It just does not make any sense at all. And yeah there was no “sorry” in their text too.

I wasn’t finish with my work that night, so as part of the editorial board that night, we continued our work at this restaurant. And they came with I think no regret at all and it just really makes me even madder! So I spent that night at the girl’s house so does few night after that. I know its wrong, but I guess it is the simple way for m to dodge them so I wont have to see them. Later that morning, I cried to see few pictures were posted on this one guy FB wall. The pictures were the so called controversial pictures with their comment below it. I guess this one girl print screen it and post it as they want to prove it as evidences for their little game of CSI that night. I was just in awe seriously.

So the sayings were true. “by the end of the semester you will see who are your true friends” and “a secret will lead to another secret”. These sayings simply happened to me at the moment. And hearing what they said behind me all awhile from others, just really make me sad and mad at the same time. I just don’t believe that people I thought were my friends would said things like that about me because honestly, I never talk trash about them to anyone. It just don’t feel right. I wonder how certain people like to talk about my personal life and comment every action that I do. It seem like he try to make me look bad and at the same time kill the reputation of mine. My friend said that he talked about me all the time whenever I’m not around. It just so high school drama. Are you jealous of me or what? Because I don’t think an older person than me would do that because I think he’s a lot wiser in term of experience but I was wrong. So, SHE was right. He’s the reason of me and HER had a problem during the semester 3 break. He spread the rumor about me to others and made HER cried. I just don’t understand why he is so into my personal life like there is nothing else to do. Come on dude, get a life or maybe exercise. It would do you good rather than just lay there on your bed and talk trash about me.

After the incident, most of my friends told me that I was too kind. Too kind to them that made them step on me. That is probably right. I have this soft spot when it comes to friends. I just rather hurt myself than hurting my friends. Afterall, they are friends. People whom you close with. But when the limitation is cross and they went way out of line than I guess it’s a war. Don’t blame others when the truth really comes out. No one influenced me, it just you open my eyes of who you really are. You should not be mad of what I said if its true. I don’t care afterall. Its not worth to grief on.

Well guys I will forgive you. EVENTUALLY. Not now because I just feel that you guys don’t really mean it. I was kind of joke to you guys. And I’m not hip enough to be part of your circle of friends. Good luck in finding more friends to be in your circle because I’d pass. :D it is not about taking side, it is more about how honest your friendship is.

Mr. syAEr_dEAn

p/s: she replied my on facebook chat and said “I never hate you”. How happy I was at that time. at least there is a good news for me.

Chapter 148: Pakat Mai Sini.

my latest picture!

I'm still clueless on my relationship status with HER. and its killing me to see HER everytime at either in the class or at the cafe. I'm dying slowly. plus the tension is worsening! I almost lose it earlier this week and i went home last tuesday to see my mum because i miss my mum so much and i still do right now. I'm glad that my mum understand me and it such a relieved to see her radiance face like she got this anesthesia or something that can calm me down.

last week, me and my classmates went to Penang for a field trip. and it was awesome though some rumors flew around bout me getting closer to this one person. well, let me tell you, we are FRIENDS! nothing more or less than that.

the trip was fun but the bus riding with my fellow classmates is what I'm most anticipated about. all the chaotic-ness and noisy-ness in the bus really makes me forget bout the things i left in Shah Alam. the main purpose of this field trip is to visit the Fishery Research Institute in Batu Maung, Penang. We are required to ask as many question from the people at the FRI to do an article for the Science and Technology Writing subjects. and i chose the Harmful Algal Bloom as the title of my article.

Day 1

infront of our hotel. 1926 Heritage Hotel

in our room. Arashy, Azlee, Syafil and I shared a room.

Day 2

Azlee, Wendy and Me waiting for the bus to FRI Batu Maung.

up: at FRI hearing the lecture. down: Giant Ikan Kerapu.

me inquiring about the Alexandrium (toxin algae)

at our last night dinner.

up: wendy, anna, syafil and me at batu ferighi. down: at sunset bistro. love the environment!

Day 3

haziq, anna, azlee, me, fard and ganu waiting for the ferry. (i'm sweating heavily LOL)

ferry!

up: the panaromic view of Penang. down: aeina and me.

last Sunday, one of my friend, Ina organize an open house at her house in Rawang. approximately about 7 cars of our classmates went to her house. It was awesome. and forget to mention that Zul, my mum's foster son went along. :D

up: the arrival of little rascal. down: rebut kambing panggang! chaotic gile!

fard with his performance~

last 29th September is the birthday of Shahida Hangol, one of my dearest friends, the fab five member. she went brawling soon after she got the surprise. It does made others teared up too. how touching it was. :D

shida with happy tears :D

anyway this is Anna's attempt to imitate the kit kat's commercial. :D

Mr. syAEr_dEAn

p/s: no text from HER. it has been about two weeks already. sigh~ :(

Chapter 147: caught completely off guard.

latest picture of me.

I havent updated my blog for quite sometime. it just i know what to write about but finally i bow to the request of my friends who wanted to know what had happened after the last time i update my blog. well lots been happening. where to start eyh?

well the title of this post really dedicated to someone im closed with. well, used to. I'm very surprised that caught that person is with someone else and not telling me. how terrible is that? well the best part is I attacked while they are dating and it makes me really satisfied. and that person? well that person had nothing to say and doesnt blink for quite long. i caught that person completely off guard. served you right!

me and HER. hmm. i really dont know what to say. it kinda feels like we are in a boat that sailed on a unpredicted ocean. we did sailed on it before but it seems like the tsunami strucked and left us wondering what to do next. it felt like SHE left me hanging without anything to grab on. and it suck i tell you. i really dont know how long can i survive in this thing. but surely I would never forget HER and will always love HER for the rest of my life.

anyway on the 2nd september i involved in an accident. Marcos was hit by a reckless driver of Waja. and the worst part is he didnt admit that he was wrong. after the accident, the driver's brother and few of his friends went to the scene and what goes in my mind is i want to talk and tolerate but they are so stupid to not wanted to be responsible of the accident and reluctant to go to the police station for the report. F**K you! so i reported it myself. it happened a day before i went back to melaka for raya.

if you ever saw this car burn it for me please.

i cut my hair again. :D from daniel merriweather-ish to mawi-ish. hoho.

before. after.

Raya's eve was fun. i like the things that my family do during the raya eve. i even bake 2 cakes. i hang those curtains. help my mum in the kitchen. help my dad painted the gate and others but the actual raya wasnt that fun. maybe its a sign that I'm getting old. sigh~

i baked this two cake. volcano choc cake with hersheys nougat and butter cake.

my family during 1st raya.

my relatives. :D

during the raya break, i went out pretty often with my BFF, Basit and my other friend, Edi. we hang out a lot during the night and went back early in the morning. and you know what? ever been to A'famosa fortress? yeah we lepak at there exactly on the canon infront of it. hoho.

at A'famosa during wee hour. (i brought my sister along at this time)

i spent a lot on eating lately. but it all worthed. plus, i ate with my best friends. it just couldnt get any better than that. :D

ucop and I at Italiannies. I had roasted chicken with balsamic glaze and cheese pizza.

at Ikea. meatball-ing with nora, izie, anna, ucop, basit and azlee. :D

ucop's fav pastime. kerusi urut. haha.

anyway, remeber the early post when me and my friends went for the Celio's party? well, our picture end up being featured on the september issue of August Man. how cool is that? haha.

its me. i'm so excited. huu~

Mr. syAEr_dEAn

p/s: havent received lots of sms from HER. :(

Chapter 146: lots been occurred lately.

i love this pic!

Ramadan came again and this time I'm a bit older than the before Ramadan. (but someone said that i look like a 25 years old guy). this Ramadan i would say is a bit better than the last one. it was pretty hectic since i got 3 days of night classes in a week. how sick is that?

anyway, erm I havent got the time to actually berbuka with HER. maybe I'm just being ignorance. like always. and she still want me. and thats what makes me even love HER. but i'm very pathetic in showing my love towards HER. the only thing that makes me feels like it is the end of the world is when SHE's leaving town like SHE did last week. i cried on my way to car and inside the car and having thought that SHE is leaving me for good. its very heart-wrenching! so, miss ****I. I LOVE YOU!.

my dad's birthday was on 15th August and i was at home to be there with him on his 56th birthday. SELAMAT HARI LAHIR AYAH! er sayang ayah (muhiddin bin md nor)!!!

don't blame me if i'm addicted to karaoke. look at my dad. :D

owh, i did something to my hair. lets see the transformation. it all happened in one day!

blonde to black to basic

anyway, since it Ramadan and RAYA is around the corner, i did some shopping to add the collection inside my wardrobe. the ever expandable collection of my shoes collection seems to be having a problem of developing since the budget for "kasut raya" is somehow when missing. and i x know where did it went to. so here are the stuffs i bought this last few weeks.

the bags i got. :D

FCUK light pink tee on 60% discount. :D

CK calvin klein plain green v-neck tee on 50% discount at KLCC. :D

DKNY grey tee on 60% discount at DKNY KLCC.

ZARA dark grey sleeve button tee. i love the sleeve button detail!

ZARA wash-off studded tee. i'm crazy over th studded detail on the shoulder!

days before Ramadan, me, Ucop, and Ejal went to the new Empire Shopping Gallery located at Subang. the first intention was to celebrate Aida Johnston's birthday at Chilli's but since we were not infromed and we woke up pretty late, we forget the intention and went to Italiannies to ahve lunch. we met Nora and she tag along with us.

me, nora, ucop and ejal with the puffy cheeks of us. :D

what i had that day. pizza and roasted chicken.(forgot the real name of the meals)

owh. on 2oth August was my roomate's Birthday, mr. Khairul Anam. he's turning 23 this year. we went to the faculty to celebrate with a lecturer and off we went to Empire again for Italiannies and later on Starbucks. :D

froml left: amm with smoked salmon pizza, ucop and amm at starbucks, blueberry cheese cake from starbucks

can't wait for the Raya. the environment is the thing i adore the most. and the foods. tell me bout it!. haha.

Mr. syAEr_dEAn

p/s: "xtau apa u nk dr ai.." HER text goes like that. erm. i need u to be alongside me.